There is Beauty in Scars

9/15/24-Written by Tracey Stankus

Healing trust the process

It is September 2024 another summer has passed. My grandson has started college, and my granddaughter has started her freshmen year of high school. Life continues despite us all; missing the baby days.

Summer afforded us some family time at amusement parks, along with campouts and campfires in the yard. The beautiful summer nights under the moon with the stars twinkling above, the smell of grass, evergreen, pine, and a campfire a memory etched.

September had many warm days, as well as cool nights.  Affording, cozy evenings with the woodstove burning. How I love the smell of a woodstove. Always brings me peace. Loading the stove, seeing the red-hot ambers and feeling the warmth heavenly.

Reminds’ me of simpler times when the world was not moving so fast and people slowed down. Gathering the wood and talking about whatever may be on one’s mind.

A focused time. Something so simple but yet significant. I remember my grandson once discussing burning his hand on our basement woodstove; despite warnings not to touch, and how at school he found we had been the only people out of his entire class who burned wood.

With the new energy efficient homes and all the half splits on the scene wood burning seems to be a thing of the past in most urban settings. Something, I am unwilling to give up.  Has always been something my family has gathered around a kind of grounding of sorts.

This world is moving so fast and everyone is going a thousand miles an hour or is lost in their devices.

The one thing that brings us back together is building for our warmth, and enjoyment. A meal is nice but it is not something have found all to participate in. The woodstove and working together for the common goal of warmth and comfort that brings us together.

The trees outside my kitchen window are starting to turn hues of red, burgundy, yellow, and orange.  Most days enjoy watching the leaves fall twirling and twirling with the wind blowing until they fall to the ground.

Curious to why this time of year brings me so much melancholy. My son is doing so well with his sobriety. I am so proud of him but sad for him at the same time. He misses his babies. I wish I could change things bring them all together but am aware that things are out of my hands. I can always offer the safe space for it to happen but all have to be willing.

I miss my mother on September 23 will be three years since she passed. So much has happened in three years.

I still have a hard time accepting all the changes. Nothing prepares you for all the different feelings and emotions that go along with all the changes.

I have a coach to talk with about my mother, son’s addiction and family history of others whom have suffered from addiction and all the behaviors that go along with it. My mother was never a drinker, but she liked her pills and checked out emotionally a lot. I suppose that is why people do drugs and drink alcohol to heighten feelings or numb them. Suppose that is what all forms of addiction are about.

There are so many different kinds of addiction it is hard to say alcohol and drugs is the worst kind to have.

Think about a gambling addiction the euphoria one gets from winning. They keep going back and many times gamble their savings away; loosing homes, cars, and god knows what else. A sex addict can be a disgrace to there family. The Jezebel Spirit who uses cunning, deception, and seduction to tear apart entire marriages, churches, and other entities. Unlike many evil spirits, the Jezebel Spirit operates more subtly and sinisterly.

Can you say one form of addiction is worse than another. Which does more damage? Do they all effect the family, community, and erode away at the fabric of whom we used to be. Do they keep us all stuck in a continued cycle of euphoria and misery? Are our technological devices fueling the fire; just another addiction keeping us lost disconnected and out of touch with our fundamental needs for love and connection.

Through attending a weekly Learn 2 cope group have come to understand addiction goes way deeper than my family. It does not discriminate by color, ethnicity, race religion or creed. The behavior and devastation go hand and hand.

Addiction runs in families and communities for decade after decade. Most do not want to do the work needed to heal as it is easier to give in and succumb.

Weather co-dependent or addict reaching out finding help, working the steps is a must; along with being honest, truthful, if you want to heal, change communities, and future generations.  Many stay silent in dysfunctional systems and go along to get along.

Speaking out can cause one to be the target of much distain and malice. This keeps people in the cycle. Afraid to speak out, get help, and change.

Discussing the destruction, the jezebel spirited, addicted family systems cause is not something many are not willing to look at admit to or change.

The group or family system does not want to be exposed of dysfunction. They do not want to do the work to heal.  Many dysfunctional systems retaliate and ostracize one from the group for speaking out. Many give up and go along; continue to be part of the system. Some have been unlived for speaking out.

 If you are struggling in a dysfunctional system look around, find the helpers. Say enough is enough this stops with me. Set some boundaries.

Many time’s you will go it alone but remember God is always with you.

He will send whom you need to help on your journey. Have faith and trust the process; the helpers he sends you along the way.

Many time’s it will not be your family that walks with you on your healing journey. Trust, have faith you will find your people.

They may not be whom you thought they would be when you start to come out the other end.

Psalm 23

The lord is my shepherd,

I shall not want.

He restores my soul.

He guides me in paths of righteousness for His name's sake.

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death.

I will fear no evil, for you are with me, your road and your staff, they comfort me.